Living on Dreams
by walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: Karma keeps having this dream where she kisses Amy inside of a pool at some party.


*i'm not sure if I'm going to do a part 2 for this*

*just felt like writing some karmy kissin'*

*inspired by the teaser, of course*

 **Living on Dreams**

 **Part I**

I'm having that dream again… The one with the pool.

It's a crazy dream… But it's normal too.. Does that make any sense?

I don't know. It probably doesn't but...

Whatever. It doesn't matter. It's not real.

But it feels real. Believe me it does.

In the dream, Amy and I are at this party. I don't even know why we're there but we both are. Everyone from school is there too. But Reagan is gone. And how fucked up is that? Of course I would omit Reagan from my dream. Isn't it bad enough that I know I don't really want her in Amy's life? Now I'm having these fucking dreams where Amy fucking cheats on her and kisses me and Reagan isn't even there? How fucked up am I?!

Oh yea… I guess I forgot that part…

I kiss Amy in the dreams.

 **Part II**

Fourth dream this week.

I'm starting to think it's a premonition.

My Aunt told me once that dreams can be more important and vivid than our waking lives. She even said that sometimes in dreams we let ourselves do the things we actually want to do.

When I think about this now I go a little mad.

I've been kissing Amy every night in these dreams.

Every night I've been kissing her.

What the hell should I do with that information?

Should I tell my Aunt? Or my Mom?

Should I just say, fuck it, and kiss Amy just to see if I'm crazy?

I don't know what's happening. I really don't get it.

All I know is, this time when I woke I really didn't want to.

I fell back asleep at least three times to try to keep myself there with her.

And yea the kissing happens at the end of the dream.

Every time I went back to sleep I was in the pool again and pulling her into me and kissing her.

I don't know if that's gay or not.

All I know is I miss her…

 **Part III**

Apparently Shane and Amy have been planning a party for 3 weeks.

When I think about the dreams I've been having, and this stupid party, the one that Amy's been keeping a secret from me for absolutely no fucking reason, everything seems so clear.

I don't need Amy to tell me what she's thinking anymore. For some reason, I just know.

I mean… I didn't know she was planning a party. Yet, I dreamed about it for weeks and weeks and weeks until I found out.

Which doesn't explain the kissing.

But explains the dreams, doesn't it?

We truly are soul mates.

I swear, sometimes this shit just freaks me out.

 **Part IV**

The party is tonight. When I was getting ready I found this old dress I forgot about in the back of my closet. It's seriously been missing for over two years.

The strangest thing too, as soon as I put it on I was struck by this familiar smell. I don't even know how to explain it. This one time a few summers ago Amy and her Mom moved into their new house and we were painting Amy's room.

We had a sleepover weekend in the empty house all alone. Amy's Mom let us stay there alone all night and we slept in the empty living room on a few blankets and pillows that I brought over from my house.

The dress just sort of smelled like that night and I don't even get how that could be possible since it was so long ago.

It was so bizarre having that memory.

And the feel of it, something about it…

I hate to think this, given all that's gone on between me and her, but I swear that memory… The two of us huddled together in the dark and holding each other under one stupid blanket while that storm raged on outside and we listened to old cassette tapes of spooky tales. It was almost romantic, that memory.

I started to wonder how much of us I was blocking out.

I'd talk to Amy about it if I didn't think it would give her some sort of twisted hope about the two of us ever having a chance.

I dunno…

I'm just starting to feel like she's haunting me somehow.

She's been so hands-off, and normally I'd think that might be good for the two of us but lately in her absence I've been having these dreams and feelings and I'm starting to get the feeling that I might actually be in love with her and…

Well… I'm scared.

I could tell her but I don't want to ruin it if she really has something good going with Reagan. That'd be simply horrible of me and after everything, I honestly couldn't. I wouldn't dare.

She's all I think about though and I'm really starting to realize that.

This party shouldn't be too bad but I almost think I should just stay home. Just in case.

 **Part V**

I didn't want to come but I'm here. She practically had to drag me. I tried coming up with an excuse but she found me out and literally pulled me into Shane's car.

Now we're at this party and it's just been this whole big mess ever since we arrived.

"Come on," Amy said, pulling me towards a circle of people who were laughing and sitting around a glass bottle in the living room.

"Amy, seriously, I really don't think we should."

"Don't be silly," she smiled. I'd spent most of the party trying to get her to leave me alone or get me to leave.

It's so easy to push her buttons. She's just like me. Her jealousy rears its ugly head any time I purposely act out.

Back in the car, on the way to Liam's house, Amy started going on and on about how I need to have fun and find someone better than Liam. She and Shane must've talked about it forever or something because it came out of nowhere and I couldn't even believe it.

Randomly she dropped the bomb that the reason she was throwing the party was to try and get me a new boyfriend.

Apparently I was: _**too unhappy.**_ Those were her exact words.

Momentarily, I was furious. Well, as least I pretended to be at first. In actuality I was hurt by her. Of course I was unhappy. She'd basically taken herself out of my life and she used to be the only thing I lived for every day.

Was it wrong of me to pissed and hurt that she could possibly think that my sadness not had EVERYTHING to do with her?

Ug.. I dunno…

"Fine," I had said.

The idea that I couldn't get a boyfriend was actually absurd. I could get any guy at school. I had proven that to myself by getting Liam.

Why was Amy suddenly so preoccupied with the fact that I was still dating him? She knew I wasn't serious with him anymore. What was the deal?

In the car, with Shane watching, she didn't really have a decent explanation.

For the first half of the party I acted out just to mess with her.

I danced on tables and let a bunch of the football players take body shots off of my abs.

After that she pulled me aside and apologized but she still didn't explain.

Fast forward to now.

I've had several drinks.

I took shots with the guys and kissed a few of them just to fuck with her since she was watching and regretful at that point.

I'm buzzed now, easy. I'm bordering on drunk but not quite there.

"Amy, come on, can't we just give it a rest for now?"

By now I sorta got the hint. She wasn't just trying to set me up with anyone; she was trying to set me up with Oliver.

I like him fine but Oliver definitely hates me.

As soon as I saw him in the circle next to Shane, and as soon as I saw where Amy was placing us, directly across from him, I just knew.

"Amy, what the hell are you doing?" I whispered angrily.

"Don't worry," she said through a pearly-toothed and forced smile. "It'll just be one kiss."

What the hell. Had she lost her fucking mind?!

I sat there.

Livid.

I noticed Shane's arm around Oliver and Oliver's forced smile up at me. He didn't want to be there either. I shot him an apologetic half smile and then turned my glare over to Shane. This was certainly his fault.

"All right Karma, it's your turn," Shane said. "Make it count."

"Oh, I will," I said. He was a fucking moron if he didn't think every girl like me had practiced and practiced in their room for a moment just like this one. I knew exactly how to wield that bottle and I suddenly knew exactly how I could win and get this fucking terror of a night to finally end.

I turned to Amy, smiled cockily, and placed my hand on the bottle.

"You sure you're ready for this?" I asked.

She swallowed visibly and I watched as a lump got stuck in her throat.

She wasn't planning on this and I could tell. Per usual, every plan she made without me always seemed to hit a snag.

At least, tonight, this plan was going to help us both to stop our fighting.

I turned my hand and twisted it fast. I could practically hear Amy's nervousness escalating beside me.

The bottle spun and spun and spun. Everyone watched.

When it slowed I knew I had spun it correctly.

It was going to land on Amy.

It was going to land right on her.

"Shit." She let out as it slowed nearing her, the milliseconds ticking away. "Shit!" She said again, looking up at Shane and springing up from the floor and running away before the bottle could even find time to slow down and stop.

"Happy?" I asked Shane with a bit of a bite as I quickly got up from the circle and ran off to find Amy among the laughing kids.

I watched her back as she made it past the glass doors out onto the patio.

"AMY! STOP!" I said. It was fun to finally chase her. This was a mess of her making.

Plus, I didn't actually expect her to kiss me back, I was just being a little shit.

She ran out a few more steps and I knew I had won.

She stopped short of the pool, her arms swinging with her momentum.

"Serves you right," I teased as I stopped just behind her and lightly pushed.

Her body began to fall back and she twisted as she fell, her hands reaching up and pulling my arms.

I couldn't help but smile in my panic as we both tipped over and landed full-bodied into the water and sunk down deep inside.

My hands pushed down at her hips as we hit the water and sunk down deep.

I clung onto her and pushed her down on purpose, pulling myself out first to gasp and laugh.

She came out of the water, struggling for air with a large gasp.

The next thing she did was punch me as hard as she could above the water which, believe me, was not that hard.

"KARMA!" She yelled.

"Shut up," I laughed. "You deserved it!" I knew she did.

"Whatever," she said, her hands on my shoulders for balance and support.

Beneath the water I slid my hand around her waist and pulled her body into mine.

"I believe you owe me a kiss," I said sweetly. Something about the way she seemed to panic, it did more than turn me on.

Perhaps I was drunk. Perhaps it was the moonlight. Perhaps it was the fact that this was my dream and it was finally coming true.

Nah, I think what really did it was that she didn't pull away and she didn't speak.

When I asked for the kiss, she had this sorta queer smile that basically said that she wasn't expecting it, for me to want it. And after that smile she just seemed ready and maybe even like she wanted it too. I pulled her in slowly and finally let myself kiss her again.

There were so many times that we had done this now but this kiss felt nothing if not brand new and filled with an entirely new feeling.

I felt myself drawing her closer to me. I pulled her into my lips with a hand on her neck and I felt her hand come up to hold my hand against her as she kissed me back and we floated together on water and the fumes of our previous fight.

I didn't want to stop. She felt perfect.

But when she pushed me away with her hand on my chest I just let her.

My eyes slowly drifted open and I saw as she searched me for emotions she could read.

All I could do was dazedly nod.

Then, with the way she was waiting, I turned greedy.

I tried to pull her into me again but she held me away.

"Stop," she said. "I'm with Reagan."

Never did I expect for four words to hurt so fucking much.

"I can't," she said sadly, noticing how harsh her words before must've sounded. Her face contorted with her mixed feelings and I could see the struggle in her, the struggle I had caused by being late.

"its fine," I lied. "We just drank too much." I paused. "A stupid game."

"Yeah," she said shakily, staring straight at me and probably wondering why I had done it and why now, and if I had felt it because, a thing like that? It does really take two.

What had begun as a prank turned into this serious fucking thing.

A gesture of mine. A small gesture but a gesture at that.

I tried to swallow, to erase her, because I could still taste her in my mouth and that taste was somehow better than anything I had remembered tasting, better than smoothies and thai food and sweet candies that only come around in certain seasons and at certain stores you would drive forever just to reach. It was Amy, that taste. For once, I actually felt that I could taste her and hold her inside of me. If she'd only let me I could drink her until she filled me up.

How strange is that?

I was used to kissing people. I had kissed at least four people tonight alone. But nothing ever did this to me. Nothing felt like this.

As her taste began to fade I felt myself almost desperate for its return.

"What's wrong?" She asked. I wasn't moving and she was just looking, watching me.

"Uh, nothing," I lied. How could I say, _**I just really want to kiss you again?**_

I couldn't stay that. That wasn't allowed. Not after everything.

Spin the bottle had been her idea, not mine.

That first kiss was on her and not me. And she had an excuse for Reagan, an excuse for that, she obviously didn't even think that the bottle could've landed on her. I knew her. She didn't think that far ahead. She didn't know this would happen.

If I did it again though? If I kissed her again?

I'd be the one wrecking a relationship, not her.

I'd be putting her in a sore place. And, even after everything that just happened between us, I couldn't do that. Not to her.

Something like this has to be Amy's choice, not mine. I don't deserve to choose. Not while she's with someone. I just don't.

Amy has to decide to kiss me herself and I can't take that choice away from her because I don't deserve the power to do that even though I know that I do have it. I have so much power with her that it actually scares me. Sometimes I think she'd kill for me.

Without thinking, and with panic egging me on, I splashed her in the face just to distract us both from our mess.

Instinctively she splashed right back.

She smiled and I splashed her again.

"Oh, you better not," I threatened. She stepped back from me both excited and scared.

I was just about to dive under the water and wrestle her under when I heard Lauren's obnoxious voice yelling at us from the side of the pool

"WHAT ARE YOU WEIRDOS DOING IN THERE?!"

"IT'S NICE!" I yelled back. "YOU SHOULD TRY IT!"

"YEAH RIGHT!" She yelled back, just to be a pain.

Right when she turned though, Theo approached her from behind and pushed her in.

Immediately after she fell, Theo leapt in the air and jumped to join her.

It wasn't long before other people began to jump in.

Before long there were chicken wars happening and the pool was almost too full of people to even move around in.

Amy and I laughed a long time from the stairs as we watched them.

I sat next to her and I didn't notice at first but at some point I had ducked under the metal rail and leaned into her and she had moved in such a way that she could hold me somewhat.

I missed being with her like that. It was the first time in a long time that she was back to her old self. We always used to treat each other like that. We always used to touch each other.

I guess I hadn't noticed how much until I had to live without it for so long.

The whole time she was holding me I just felt so trapped and sad. All I wanted to do was just turn into her and kiss her again.

When she dropped me off at home I was two seconds away from begging her to stay.

I knew if she stayed though, I knew if she stayed I would try something so I just let her leave.

 **Part VI**

When I woke up today, I started crying…

I wasn't sure if it was because I knew I should've done something last night, like kiss her again? Or if maybe it was because I didn't have the dream I was used to having, the dream where I kissed her again and again and again...

I remembered the pool though and the night…

I guess it was all just a little too much.


End file.
